Stepping Out and Speaking Up
By Sharmaine Sebastian c/o 2013
I wake up to the sound of my annoying alarm and with the morning sun shining through my windows. But this is not just any ordinary morning. It is the morning of the first day of high school. I wonder what awaits me there.
I press the button to turn the alarm off and go back to sleep. “Five more minutes,” I say to myself. But in truth, I am wide awake. My mother knocks on the door. Knock, knock, knock. “Hey, you! Get up or else you’re gonna be late,” says my mother. Wow. Some words of encouragement, huh? I’m in the state of panic and that’s all my mom says. Now, I’m really nervous. Without complaint, I listen to her and fix my bed. I go to my closet. I regret myself for not picking out an outfit the night before when I had the chance. I wish public schools had uniforms like at my old school, that way I wouldn’t have to worry about what I'd be wearing. Uniforms would make my morning routine easier. Without much thinking, I grab a simple purple t-shirt and a pair of dark blue skinny jeans. I don’t want to overdress. I do the other things in my morning routine; take a shower, brush my teeth, dress up, fix my hair. Ta-Da! I’m ready for school. Or at least...that’s what I'm trying to prove to myself.
Driving up to the school campus of Moanalua High School, my stomach begins to sink and I start to feel sick. “Are you alright?” asks my dad. “Uhmm, I think so,” I reply. “Oh, don’t worry. You’re going to do fine.” “Yeah, sure,” I say without an ounce of enthusiasm. My dad pulls up to the front of the school. The butterflies flutter in my stomach like crazy. “Well, have a good day. Okay?” Those are the last words I hear from my father as I step out of the car. I nod my head meekly as I close the door. I turn around, walk up the stairs, and look at all these kids with their big group of friends. So far, I only have two friends attending here with me. But for now, I’m alone. I’m by myself. I have no one. All these negative ideas flow in to my head as if it were a magnet for negative energy. I try to put on a brave face and look as if I know where I’m going. I call Janelle to see where she is and ask where we would meet.
We meet in front of G building. Janelle along with three other girls, whose names I later find out is Czarina, Brittany, and Isabelle, walk toward me. Janelle and I greet each other with a hug. I don’t speak to the other girls. I’m usually never the one to start a conversation. Awkwardly, we, the clueless freshmen, stand there in silence. After a while, we decide to head up to G201 and wait till the bell rings. I open the door and an upperclassman is there. “Psh, freshmen,” he says with a little snicker. Ouch! My first put-down of the year, and on the first day too?! Can’t this day get any better? I hope and pray it would.
The first bell rings. “This is not elementary or middle school anymore. This is the start of my high school career. Time to change and grow up. Make new friends. Be more talkative. You can do it Sharmaine,” I say as I try to pep myself up. My homeroom teacher, Mrs. Sueoka, starts with an opening statement to welcome us, the freshmen. Just the word “freshman” scares me. Whenever I hear it, I think about getting bullied and teased. I think about myself standing in a corner with no one to talk to. A loner. “Is that how I’ll be for the rest of my high school career?” I keep asking myself. My teacher’s voice interrupts my thoughts telling us to go to the football field for an assembly.
The day drags on. The teachers go through motions of introducing the course. The same old thing every first day. Nothing compelling ever catches my attention today. However, when lunch time arrives, a rush of panic swells over me. I don’t know what to do. I try to contact Shannel, but she does not answer her cell. “Oh gosh. I’m going to eat lunch by myself,” I say with uneasiness. I don’t want to be labeled as a loner. I don’t know where my obsession with status came from. I didn’t care about that kind of stuff before, but I guess this is what high school does to you.
Then I happen to spot Traci standing in the lunch line. I hesitate to approach her. Gnawing on my lip, I try to consider the best way to make a good first impression. “Why is it so hard to make a new friend?” I tell myself. To be honest, this is the most nerve wrecking part of my day so far. Talking to a person I barely knew. I worry that I’ll make a mistake and give her a bad first impression of me. I worry that I’ll sound like an idiot. Ahhhh! I really dislike the nervous feeling in my stomach right now. Worse than that, I despise myself for being shy and such a coward. I suck in a deep breath to calm myself and gather a great amount of courage. I walk towards her. “Hey Traci. I don’t know if you remember me, but I…I mean, we met at the MeneMAC orientation? I’m Sharmaine.” She stares back at me blankly. Uh-Oh. Did I do something wrong? “Oh yeah, I remember now. Hi,” Traci says. I think of something else to keep the conversation going. So far, so good. “So, are you here with any of your friends from your old school?” “Oh, no. They mostly went to private schools. I’m the only one from St. Elizabeth who came here.” “Oh, I see.” It seems like the conversation ended there. However, I continue, “Don’t you just hate the feeling of being by yourself?” “I know right! And it’s usually hard for me to socialize ‘cause I’m usually silent and shy,” she replies. “I know how you feel!” I say in agreement. Hmm, it turns out Traci is alone too. Wow, that is pretty easy. I guess I just made a new friend. Yay!
I find relief after lunch due to three facts. One, the day is almost over. Phew! Two, I’m not the only one who feels insecure about themselves and alone, which makes me feel more at ease. And three, I discover a confidence in myself that I never thought I had, helping me make a new friend today. During the rest of the last period, I ponder what high school is going to really be like. I know that it’s not the torture chamber I thought it was. I know it’s something more than just a place to gain knowledge. I ponder and ponder. Riiiiiing! The final bell rings into my thoughts…literally. The sound that signals the end of the first day of my high school career. Not as bad as I thought it would be.
By the end of the day, I have a new outlook on high school. Finding out that some people were in the same situation as me, not knowing what to do or who to hang out with, I didn’t feel alone or anxious anymore. Instead, I felt more confident and at ease. Not everyone will make friends easily. I know that now. Also, I now know that here I’ll be able to attain more knowledge, confidence, and friendships; experience more independence, responsibilities, and opportunities. After I overcome the obstacles in my life, there’s nothing that can hinder me from accomplishing the things I want to accomplish.
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