True empathy can never exist until one has walked the same path as the one who needs sympathy and understanding. Feeling empathetic does not mean to feel pity or to feel sorry for. Instead, it means to see things from a new perspective and to put yourself in another person’s position. I used to think that I lacked the quality to feel for others, especially for those who created their own trouble. I’d always say to myself, “Why should I feel for them?” But over the past few years, as my self-awareness has grown, so has my ability to feel empathy.
Empathy occurs when the heart is softened by the hardships of life, and when someone is able to understand the other’s situation more fully. But how can one be genuinely empathetic? True empathy is rare, but it can be an eye-opening experience. Disposing our characteristic of fear and cultivating the trait of compassion is a huge step to being empathetic. By becoming fearless, we are able to open up to new things and new people. Having fear prevents us from wanting to understand the other person’s point of view because we are afraid of being proved wrong. For example, you see a boy with tattoos. You quickly judge him and say that he’s a punk. But once you get to know the person, you actually see that he’s a nice guy. And by being compassionate, we attune to the needs and feelings of the person we want to help. When we resist the needs and feelings of others, it is pretty hard to really open yourself to them enough to know what is going on.
One of the many definitions of empathy is to put yourself in another person’s shoes. But what does that really mean? It means being aware of, being sensitive to, having the action of understanding, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of another of either the past or present without explicitly articulating these feelings.
The one time where I felt really and truly empathetic, was when I helped serve food at the Kaka’ako Homeless Shelter during November of last year. While serving them food, I had a brief moment in which I saw myself as one of them. I imagined myself living on the streets, begging people either for money or food. Before, I used to be unaware of my surroundings that I didn’t really care much for those who stood on the sidewalks of highways, holding up signs saying, “PLEASE HELP. I NEED MONEY.” I would just look at them and think to myself, “Why don’t they get a job?! That’s the reason why they are living like that. They caused their own troubles. Good for them.”
Helping at the homeless shelter and those who are less fortunate didn’t make me feel sorry for them, rather, it made me want to help them, to give them hope. I can give hope to them by giving them words of encouragement and cheer to help them understand that someone has gone through what they are going through and that there’s always someone there to provide help and relief. Through this experience, I have learned how to give more attention and awareness to the people around me, and that I’m not the only one with worries and problems in this world.
True empathy is a complicated but a rare event. It is indeed difficult to overcome fears and the desire to argue or persuade and to listen attentively to understand. To make it easier for us to empathize with others, we need to become less self-centered, and become more compassionate. Often times, all many need are just an understanding, a few kind words, and a shoulder to lean on. It seems to me that those things are not too much to ask for.
