Imperfection
by Sharmaine Sebastian c/o 2013
Perfection. A simple yet complicated word. Everywhere I look, everywhere I am, the pressure to be perfect is always there. I have never been the petite, pretty girl that every boy dreams of. I have never been the smartest, quick-witted student that everyone else envies. I have never been the perfect child that every parent wishes for. I’m just an average teenage girl with many imperfections.
I remember sitting on the couch at home during a typical Saturday. I watched TV while trying to finish homework. I decided to give myself a break and grab a snack from the kitchen. As always, there was nothing but a bag of potato chips. I settled for that and walked back to the couch. A commercial started to play and it was about “having the perfect body”. I felt awkward watching this commercial even though I was at home alone. I admit, I don’t have the best physique as most people and that’s something I’m not proud of. It’s not that I really hated myself for being the way I am. It’s just that the pressure to have that perfect figure made me think that way. After the commercial ended, I looked at the half-empty bag of potato chips, put it down quickly, and ran to the bathroom. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror for a good five minutes pointing out the many things wrong with my outer appearance. “Perfect? Is there even such thing?” I thought to myself.
There were many times where I questioned the meaning of “perfection” and in different situations as well. At school, I’m pressured to have perfect grades. Not only because of my parents and teachers, but because of competition with my other classmates. I’m a very competitive student. I always compare my grades to others discreetly. If someone gets a higher grade than I do or gets straight A’s and I don’t, I tend to question how they got the grades I wanted. Also, at home my parents always complain how I don’t do anything around the house, how I don’t always do the things they want me to do, how I don’t always listen to them. The thing is I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. Everyone does.
Growing up, I learned that there is no such thing as perfection. I have met people along the way in my journey of life that have the same problems I go through everyday. Sometimes worse. If I were perfect, I would not be human. I believe that it is part of human nature to have flaws. I may not be the most prettiest, the most intelligent, the most obedient, but I am human. I have imperfections and they define me. This, I truly believe.
Hey Sharmaine!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI really think your belief of perfection conveys a good message. With the experiences you put, your essay becomes personal and your own, which is good. It helps give your essay a lot more voice to it. You have a good amount of descriptions in your essay. I think you should just add something more towards why you are not perfect and why it's okay for you not to be perfect other than the fact that you make mistakes. Add a little more personal variety to your essay. That way you have a lot more descriptions in your essay.
Overall, your essay has a really good idea. I think if you add more of you and why you are not perfect other than because of making mistakes, your essay would be even better, even though it's already good...duh, you're sharmaine--you are good at writing. So good luck on your revision. :D
-Traci
Hello Ms. Sharmaine :)
ReplyDeleteWell...your essay broke my heart in two and then shattered it into a million pieces. It is beautifully written. Your imagery is so vivid!
I really don'y have any critical writing revision suggestions for you. The only suggestion would be to look beyond the imperfections. You could possibly say that.. "I know that I have imperfections. But what makes me believe that I have imperfections is the fact that I have chosen to accept that I am not perfect, and no one else is. I am Sharmaine Sebastian. I know that I am not perfect, but yet I still strive every single day to be the best that I can be." I think this effect would create a breakthrough in your essay.
Other than that, you did a good job on your essay.
Wow Sharmaine,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your essay I was so sad! No joke!
Your essay is so clear! I definitely saw how personal your essay is. I like how you had 2 different perspectives on the fact of having imperfections-insecurities on looks, parents and academics. They were all sequenced well. Your descriptions and voice really "show, not tell." It was so specific that I was able to picture you going through that kind of stuff.
I think your draft right now is good! But I agree with Isabelle on how you could add in something about looking beyond your imperfections in your final.
That's all I have to say!
Good job again! I know your final will be good!
-Shannel :D