I perceive things from a different point of view,
Taking in everything as it goes,
Sometimes good, sometimes bad,
Still, through it all,
I know that I am strong enough to handle.
With just one click,
I make a brief minute last a lifetime.
I know that I can’t keep everything I have,
But I’m willing to give it up to make room for something new.
I may not be what you expect,
I’ll surprise you with the many stories and memories that I’m willing to share.
And when at times you feel like it’s going to end,
I’ll always be there with you to capture the moment.
Hey Sharmaine!!!
ReplyDeleteO_o Cool, I'm the first one to comment on your poem. :)
Great poem...It is written with descriptions that you show that shows who your are like as a camera. You seem like the kind of person that whatever happens, you will always make the most of it, wether it be good or bad just like you stated in these lines-- "Taking in everything as it goes,Sometimes good,sometimes bad,Still, through it all,I know that I am strong enough to handle."
In the line where you say "I’ll surprise you with the many stories and memories that I’m willing to share.", It illustrates something true about you, where you like to share memories and stories you had with friends that happened before.
It is great how you implemented verbs in your poem, which makes your poem even better. (willing, capture, perceive, etc.)
Overall, your poem is well written. I could see how your poem is like a camera and is like you at the same time.
I don't really see anything wrong with grammar and punctuation and such. But proof-read just in case. :)
Overall, well written poem. Good luck on the video part of the self-metaphor!!!
SHARMAINE,
ReplyDeletegood poem ;]
i can see that your life is like a camera through the pictures it takes, the memory, & "the playback"
[i'm not sure how to critque on poems yet lol]
my first impression was how well you described the camera to yourself. such as how you said you "take things from your perspective", "with one click you'll make a brief moment last a lifetime" and such.
it shows that you, as a camera will take everything as it is, and it is "saved" to your "memory" (card... hahaa)
something that I may need to know are these 2 lines: "I know that I am strong enough to handle." and "I may not be what you expect,"
how will a camera show that you are strong enough to handle something? How does the camera show it's strong enough to handle things good and bad? And also what do you mean by how you may not be what you expect? Are you talking about the pictures in memory? How you look back and don't expect what's in it?
I really like this line: "I know that I can’t keep everything I have,"
I can totally picture it in my head. You have so much memories in that "memory card" that it is getting full and you're willing to "delete it" for new memories to be stored in.
good job! I just wanted to ask you those questions(: everything else is fine. & ready to be shot for your video! Just remember to think good on how you film it, the video will show how YOU ARE a camera, we should be able to know a good perspective about you through the video showing you as a camera. Good Luck!
Shannel ;]
@Shannel
ReplyDeleteThis part: "I know that I am strong enough to handle."
I'm describing the camera as a durable tool and I'm also describing myself as a strong person overall. I hope you get it. -___-
And this part: "I may not be what you expect,"
I'm talking about something like when you look through a persons' pictures and you get surprised by the things they've done and/or accomplished. I'm still fixing up my poem, so I'll put more detail into that. (:
-Sharmaine
Hi Sharmaine,
ReplyDeleteNice job on the poem! As your teammates mention, you show various aspects of your life through your metaphor.
My recommendation is to include more specifics. For example, if you describe some of the shots taken by the camera, you can include moments from your own life that you have "captured" in your memory.
I would also recommend using more "camera verbs." Besides clicking and capturing, cameras can "zoom" and "focus." What else can they do?
mrs s